He's Got the Whole World in His Hands - Literally

How cool is this?!!

I have had this post on my mind for a few weeks now, but others kept taking precedence. Tonight, I want to put this in writing.

On March 2nd, I read these verses:

Psalm 46:1-2 (NIV)

1. God is our refuge and strength,

         an ever-present help in trouble.

2. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

         and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea...

In my journal, I wrote, "Lord, if you watch the news for five minutes, you can easily believe the earth will soon give way and the mountains will fall in the heart of the sea. I'm not sure if keeping up with the news and politics is even a good thing. If I get caught up in that, it becomes my focus. I say it's all about You, but I become focused on that instead of You. Show me how to have balance, Lord. Not with You on one side of the scale and the world on the other, but with my focus on You and You holding the scales. I want to draw a picture of this, but not sure what it looks like yet. Show me, please, Lord."

And that was the end of my journal entry that morning, but I thought about it all day long, about what a balanced life should look like. I pictured a scales-of-justice type scale and thought about how the world sees God on one side of the scale and the world on the other, and I thought, 'that's all wrong.' I wanted to draw it and planned to use the same type of scales, and I knew I wanted God holding them somehow.

The problem was I couldn't quite figure out what would go on the scales. I kept asking

myself what I needed to have balance in my life, and I kept coming up with the same image and the same question: an image of God holding a scale with the world on one side, but my mind would go blank when I looked at the other side of the scale. What would go on the other side of that scale?? I asked myself that question over and over that day, but I couldn't figure out what I needed to finish the picture.

It Is True That....

This morning, I was reading in Jesus Today by Sarah Young about how we should focus on what is "true, noble, and lovely." It said we were created "with a great capacity to enjoy beauty" and that our souls draw strength from those blessings (Reading 9, p. 20). I was reminded of two particular times when this truth significantly affected my life. I hadn't planned to write again so soon, but, once again, God had other plans.

A couple of years ago, I went to a new therapist. I was better, but there were still days. Days when I struggled against anxiety and the weight of depression, and I knew if I didn't figure out how to handle stress in a more healthy way, I was going to slide back into depression. I didn't want to go there.
During the second visit, we got down to business. I was filling her in on my battles with depression and on my worries and anxiety. As I talked, of course, I focused on all the bad, stressful things that had ever happened to me. When I told her the first thing, she said, "Yes, and?" As if it were nothing. So, I dug deeper and told her something worse that caused me significant stress and worry. She said, "But it didn't..." I told her something else that really cut deep and caused a lot of pain, and she said, "And look at what you still accomplished..." This continued, and I began to get frustrated. Dang it! Let me tell you how bad it was. But she wouldn't. I thought, 'what kind of therapist are you? You are supposed to commiserate with me and tell me how horrible it was and no wonder I was depressed,' but I was getting none of that from her. Finally, I just quit. And then she started talking. She said life doesn't have to be "either/or", or "yes/but." It can be "yes/and." Yes, bad things happened, and so did a lot of good things. A LOT of good things. And she started naming the ones she knew and had figured out as I talked. Then she told me about the quilt. 
Her grandmother used to make quilts. Some of them were beautiful, and some of them were just butt ugly. She said back then people used what they had to make their quilts. It wasn't just a hobby then. These were the blankets that they used to keep them warm. They were a necessity, so they had to use whatever fabric they had available. She said they would use the prettiest pieces to make the main portion of the quilt that would be seen on the bed, and they would put the ugly pieces on a bottom corner somewhere that wouldn't be seen. She said life is like that. There are beautiful moments, and there are some ugly moments, and we have to learn to put those ugly moments down on a bottom corner somewhere where they aren't seen very often, while all the beautiful moments are in plain view.
This visual was life-changing for me. Not that I never get the mully-grubs and have a pity party, but it made me realize there is a different way to look at things. It made me realize that falling apart and into depression did not negate all the good things I had accomplished, been part of, or been blessed with before the crash.
I went home thinking about this, and the scripture Philippians 4:8 came to mind.
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - mediate on these things."

The Same Lesson All These Years Later

I have been very excited about starting this blog. As I've read my devotions in Jesus Calling, Jesus Today, and Dear Jesus all by Sarah Young, I've made notes of things that stood out to me. I worked out a structure for my blogs to follow: title, introduction, scripture, reflections, and maybe prayer. I organized all my notes in folders in Evernote on my phone and computer. I loved having that app on my phone so I could add notes, pictures, scriptures, or whatever was relevant wherever I was. I imported scripture in different translations and paraphrases from biblegateway.com. During this time, a testimony I gave for Community Bible Study came to mind over and over.

But none of it ever got on the blog. 

I had so much collected, I didn't know where to start. I tried to decide how often I should blog - once a week on a regular day, twice a week, how often?
I had organized God right out of this thing. I wasn't depending on the Holy Spirit's leading. I was trying to put my blog in a neat little package. Then this weekend, the readings in all three books said pretty much the same things to me. I went for a walk on the beach to clear my head, and this is what I heard, "Rest in God, live in His Presence, and let God lead me, get out of fix it mode and let go. Don't organize it till I've squeezed the Holy Spirit's leading out completely."

So, this morning, I sat down with those thoughts and started to write, planning to use one small section of the testimony I gave in 2009, but God had other plans. I opened up the testimony and started reading it, and I knew that this whole thing was the blog I was supposed to publish today. God has been teaching me this same lesson for YEARS. Everything He has led me to in the past several years has been about resting in Him and living in His Presence. You would think I'd have it down by now, but you would also think it must be pretty important if so many devoted Christians are writing about it, and God keeps bringing it up over and over.
I am copying the entire testimony. Debbie Nash is the leader of the Community Bible Study I was attending in Savannah. There have been some pretty big life changes since then, so I did change a couple of things to reflect that. Otherwise, this is what I wrote in 2009. If you are reading Jesus Calling or scripture or any other book about resting in God, you will find that God has been addressing the same things in my life for several years now.
They must be pretty important.

CBS Testimony

April 30, 2009

Debbie Nash and I have been talking about my testimony for months.  She knew I was living out our study of Hebrews, and she said I needed to give my testimony. Debbie and I thought my testimony started in September when 2 small children caught in the middle of a very volatile family war came to live with my husband and me, and I thought I had to wait till I saw how it ended before I could give my testimony. But, like so many other things I’ve thought I knew in the past few years, I discovered we were both wrong. A few weeks ago, Debbie was talking about Hebrews 4:11, "Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience," in her lecture. She said that “make every effort” meant to throw all our weight into trusting on what He has done for us through the cross and on His promises. When I heard that, I realized that I couldn't wait until I knew how the story ended to give my testimony. I needed to give a testimony about trusting Him while I still had no clue what was going to happen, while things still looked nothing like what I thought they were supposed to look like. I had been taking notes for weeks. I knew exactly what my testimony was going to be…until I actually got down to writing it out, and that’s when I learned that Debbie and I were not entirely right about that, either.

Many of you know Noah. He’s somewhat of a celebrity among the CBS leadership. He is my friend's 2-yr-old son. This story has nothing to do with him, but it has everything to do with him.

When he first started talking and discovered the power of the word “no”, I told him the rule was “You can’t tell Gramma Debbie no.” (Gramma Debbie is what my grandchildren call me, and Noah, among others, call me that, too.) When he would tell me no, I would ask him what the rule was. One day, he told me no. I forgot the routine and asked him, “Are you supposed to tell Gramma Debbie no?” The obvious answer to that question was “no”, and Noah caught the significance of that before I did. He looked at me quizzically for a second and said, “What’s the rule?”

That’s the way I feel I’ve been looking at God for the past few years, and that’s the question I’ve been asking Him.

Are We Neglecting the Hard Things?

First, let me make it clear that this is not an official blog for the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Absolutely not. I am just one of the many people who have read or are reading her book and finding that it is a life-changing experience. Her book has impacted my life to the point that it has inspired me to write about it, but that inspiration has been coming a long time, and I think this book is just the one that pushed it to the edge. Other books have changed my life, too, and I'm sure I'll mention other books such as My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, and Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore. I'll mention things I've learned from family, friends, pastors, and my grandsons. And, of course, I'll talk about things God has revealed to me Himself. Especially those, because, whether it was a book, a friend, a pastor, or a five-year old, it was actually God using those people to speak to me.

I read a review of the book Jesus Calling on Amazon in which the reviewer down-graded the book because the author writes in Jesus' voice but only has Him say things like "Rest, I'm with you, I love you, etc," but doesn't have Him talk about the hard things like our need to forgive others, to repent, to be chastised by God. He or she asked why Young only had Jesus call us to be alone with Him when we are called to be the Church.
I'm sure all of those are valid points, but I think the reviewer missed the point of the book. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have heard all the commands, chastisements, rules, and regulations all my life. What my church didn't often emphasize as I grew up were the things that Sarah Young is sharing with me in this book. I was in my 40s before I began to learn how to have a relationship with God. I knew all the rules I was supposed to follow, and I worked very hard on my own to follow them. Then I beat myself up for never being able to consistently be the Christian I thought I was supposed to be.

March 4, 2015 A Fresh New Start for a Somewhat Neglected Blog

I think God really meant for me to read the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. In January, a friend gave my friend Laurie and I a copy. Neither of us had ever heard of it, but we both started reading it. I couldn't believe how it spoke specifically to each of us, particularly Laurie at the time. She was going through a hard time with jobs. She just couldn't find one that paid enough money or had any room for her to grow. She was very discouraged and worried about her future. 
As I read the daily entries her name came to mind every day. Over and over, God was saying, "I am in control. Trust me. I know the plans I have for you." I knew Laurie knew this and had heard it over and over throughout her adult life, but it just gets harder and harder to trust when you never see any progress. And then it happened. Out of the blue, a friend who owns her own business called and offered me a job. She was desperate for help from someone she could trust to work hard and conscientiously. The pay was pretty good, too. The timing was just bad. Lindy retired a year ago, and this is my last year teaching. I have been looking forward all year to calling it quits in June and just being wife, Mama, and, especially, Gramma Debbie. So, I turned her down. And then, just before I ended the conversation, I thought of Laurie. This job had Laurie written all over it!! It's office administrative work, paperwork, invoicing, and payroll. NOT my cup of tea. But Laurie? She was MADE for this kind of work, and this job was tailor-made for her.
Long story, short, Laurie has a new job. A great job. She resigned her other dead-end job and set up her office at home and started work. She is ecstatic. Flying low, to be exact.
On February 14, Wende, our friend and Laurie's new boss, flew us both to her home in Indiana to train Laurie. I just went along for the ride, to see Wende whom I've seen only once in about twelve years, and to play in the snow. (The snow was gorgeous, but that's another story.) 

Wende's husband picked us up from the airport and then went to pick Wende up. She was at the bookstore buying Valentine gifts for us. Guess what she got us. Yep, Jesus Calling. With our names inscribed on the front. How about that for affirmation?

Surely, God must really want us to read this devotional! I have to admit that I had not been reading it faithfully every day. I intended to, but it didn't always happen. So, I got the hint, and I decided to start over at the beginning in the book Wende gave me which was a different version and had space to write under each entry (JUST my cup of tea) and read more than one page a day till I caught up to the correct date. 
Over and over in this book are two recurrent themes - rest and trust - which actually work together to bring about the main theme of living in the Peace of God's Presence. While we were there, a dilemma arose. Laurie needed to stay longer for more training, the weather was going to be bad the day and night before our flight (more snow, high winds, and ice), and I just wasn't ready to go home yet. So, I had to make a decision. Staying longer would mean not being here for the student I homeschool or to keep my grandchildren three afternoons. I was torn. I felt selfish. I felt obligated to go back, but I so wanted to stay a little longer and use that time to rest. I've had a very busy year, and I really wanted to be able to take that break and enjoy the beauty of that snow (which we never have in Coastal Georgia). And I dreaded calling them to tell them I was staying three more days. I HATE feeling like I've let someone down. I read Jesus Calling looking for answers. I prayed. And I called Molly, my spiritual mentor. Molly said, "You should be reading today's devotion. God wants you to rest. He wants you to take this time for yourself. You need that renewal." (not exactly her words, but that's the gist of what she told me. I LOVE my friend Molly!!!) At the time I was still reading past entries to catch up. So that morning, on February 17th, I turned to that entry, and guess what? God told me to trust Him and spoke directly to my heart telling me He wanted me to open my eyes to all He had prepared for me on this precious day. I won't say my stomach wasn't still in knots. I am a worrier and a fixer, but that's what this book is all about for me. It's teaching me how to not worry and how to trust God to be the Fixer.


So, I sucked it up, laid it down at God's feet, and asked Him to take all the loose ends and take care of them the way He wanted to according to his will, stayed and took quiet walks in the snow, and it was wonderful, 

and everything worked out back home so that Lindy kept my grandsons, and my student had a break he probably needed, too. Since I've been back, he's been doing better than he has all year.

So, this book is teaching me some wonderful new lessons. It is literally teaching me how to quit worrying. That is a miracle in itself! For a long time, I have tried to think of a theme for my blog. Something to write regularly about. As I've been reading this book, God has put my blog on my mind more and more until I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So, my journey into His presence and learning to walk daily hand-in-hand with Him is going to be the theme of this blog.

I AM who God says I am. I just haven't always remembered or even believed it, but He is helping me with that. He is teaching me to trust with a thankful heart. I'm getting there. One day at a time, one step at a time.