Which Way Do I Fall?

I have been reading a lot lately, and it seems everything I read tells me pretty much the same thing. Even my last blog entry. I'd even forgotten writing it and was surprised to see it when I opened my blog this morning. And. it. said. the. same. thing.

I'd been reading Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, and my eyes and soul were opened to God's Truth and Love in ways I'd never experienced before. And then, on November 21st, I started reading One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp, and I knew immediately this was a life-changer. Jesus Calling had been preparing my heart for One Thousand Gifts.

As I've read, there have been so many times I've thought, "oh my gosh, this needs to be in my blog," and I had great intentions, but it never happened. But maybe it wasn't supposed to until today. Maybe what I perceived as a failure on my part was actually God's timing, His sovereignty.
Even this morning, I started one way with this blog, deleted it, then went back to it, and then sat back in confusion because too many things in my brain wanted to take precedence in this entry. I wanted to BACK UP too much. Wow! I didn't even realize the implications of this until just now.
Two days ago, my friend Valerie sent me a blog entry by Ann Voskamp about looking back at our failures and shortcomings instead of moving forward (http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/12/how-to-step-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-want-a-do-over-on-the-last-year). She says when we get stuck, we need to fall FORWARD. 

These are her words from the article:

Failing? What feels like losing is really gaining experience. Forward! Falling apart? Fall forward into whatever. comes. next. Forward! Fearful? Fear is always the first step forward of faith. Forward! Whenever you are lost, FORWARD is always the way Home.

I've been stuck in the not-wanting-to-look-forward mode the past few days. I've been stuck on past failures and shortcomings. (Didn't I just write about this in August???) In her book, Ann Voskamp challenges us to live fully in each moment in God's presence by living a life of thanksgiving - Eucharisteo, being a seeker of God's beauty in everyday life, opening our eyes to the gifts He gives us each moment of every day. When our eyes are turned forward seeking out the beautiful, they aren't looking back at the ugly! When our focus is different, our perception is different. When giving thanks to God is our priority, wallowing in our failures is hardly on the screen. She dares us to begin a journal in which we number the gifts we are thankful for each day. She challenges us to number 1000 gifts. And I can tell you from personal experience that this can change your life. I have sat down with a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach and begun to number my gifts, and that same knot has turned into a swelling of JOY.
Then, today, Valerie sent another article for me to read (https://perrynoble.com/blog/should-christians-take-medication-for-mental-illness) which, on the surface, really had nothing to do with any of this. My response to her regarding this article was the spark that started this new blog entry. This was my response with a few minor revisions just so it would make more sense:

"Funny, I was reading an article on fibromyalgia when your message popped up. Depression and Fibro have always been associated & depression is listed as one of the signs and symptoms of Fibro. It was usually assumed that the constant pain and fatigue led to depression and anxiety, but I didn't really believe that was what caused mine. Two articles I read this morning said that could be true, but that the same chemical imbalances in the brain that cause Fibro could cause depression. Makes a whole lot more sense to me. It's kind of a which came first, the chicken or the egg kind of thing. I have been hurting/aching so badly recently; so tired, fatigued, and so emotional, constantly feeling on the verge of tears. Very sensitive, feelings hurt easily, irritable, defensive, and all the while feeling like a failure, totally falling backward on all my failings. Feeling like it's my fault that I have these problems (and technically, it is) because I know that sugar sets it off, that not sleeping makes it worse, that not exercising adds to it even more. I know that changing those things could make me feel better, but I'm stuck in the rut of exhaustion, depression, and anxiety. The anxiety causes agoraphobia. I'm not only too exhausted to even get dressed, the thought of going out makes me very anxious. It's interesting that he (the author of the article) began to experience depression and anxiety again when he started to write a book about his previous battle with and victory over depression. I have found that revisiting that painful dark time of my life sometimes "awakens" dark, painful memories deep inside. Just the memories sometimes make me very sad. I know I talk about it a lot, but I think I talk pretty superficially about it most of the time. Just that I have suffered depression, but when I touch those deep places where the pain was, I find it's still very tender. It's a feeling similar to grief. You're ok most of the time, but, even years later, specific memories are painful and sorrowful. You feel the loss all over again. 

I don't think I've ever actually put that together before, but that is exactly it. There is definite loss and grieving involved with depression.

I had another thought while reading this article. I clicked on the link to his book and just felt a heaviness at the thought of another self-help book. And I thought of One Thousand Gifts. I believe with everything in me that she has found the answer. It's not in looking back at disappointments, failures, trauma, etc, or deep inside at the scars these things left. Going back to old scars and scraping them raw doesn't help them heal. It just causes more pain and scar tissue. I think the answer is in falling forward into Christ's arms and filling your mind with the things of Him - everything pure and holy and good and decent and just and then abiding in His presence through constant thanksgiving. 

So now I know what I need to do. Everyday, all day."

I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer give this analogy once. Picture yourself standing at the back of a moving boat and looking back at the wake. Ask yourself if the wake can move the boat forward. The answer is no. The wake is simply everything you've left behind. It's what has already happened - the good and the bad. It cannot move you forward. The energy of the motor (our brains, our souls) moves us one way or the other. He said to hold onto the positive energy that moves us forward.
I believe that positive energy is found in focusing on and thanking God for the gifts He has bestowed on me.
(Oh, so many other thoughts come to mind from Ann Voskamp's book that I want to take off on here, but I need to stop, and you need to read her book. I promise you it is a life-changer.)

"Whenever you are lost, FORWARD is always the way Home." 
(Ann Voskamp, "How to Step Forward into the New Year...when you want a Do-Over on the last year", December 29, 2014)

I Am What I Think I Am

I am a procrastinator. I am a sugar-holic. I am co-dependent. I am a closet binge-er. (I don't know how to spell that. If I follow the rule of dropping the "e", it looks like I'm a binger, rhyming with dinger.) I am a product of generational sin and a fallen world. I am weak because of clinical depression and generalized anxiety. I am scattered and unorganized because of ADHD. I am a giver-upper. I am a disappointment. I am a failure.

At different times, I've been all those things. More accurately, I've let all those things and more control my life -- control me. I've let them define me. I've let myself BE those things.

I AM, actually, a child of the King. I've been redeemed. I am redeemed. I am HIS. I am cleansed and covered by His righteousness. I am a believer. I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. I am loved. I am cherished. 

THESE. THESE are the things I want to control my life. These are the things that I should allow to control me and define me. THESE are the things I want to let myself BE.

Philippians 4:8 KJV (I love the poetic language of the KJV.)
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be an virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8-9 The Message (I love the personal language of The Message.)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious -- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies. 

Why have I never paid attention to verse 9? That is the promised result of doing the things in verse 8. That is the important part.

Philippians 4:9 KJV
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

I need the God of peace to be with me. I need to be worked into His most excellent harmonies. I need to stop living these wasted, listless days controlled by the negative things I allow to define me and start living the life He created me for -- a life full of love and trust and peace and rest in HIM.

Maybe, if WE start living this way individually, it will work its way up to the leaders of our broken world. I would like living in a world that is woven into His most excellent harmonies.

The Majesty, Power, and Vastness of the Great I AM

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young May 28, page 155
"This is a form of worship:  sensing your smallness in comparison to My Greatness. 
Man tends to make himself the measure of all things. But man's measure is too tiny to comprehend My majestic vastness."

After reading that, I decided to ride to the beach because that is where I can get a sense of God's majesty, power, vastness. 
On the way there, I listened to "Before the Throne of God" by Selah, and I heard something I've never noticed before. 
" A great High Priest, whose name is Love, 
Who ever lives and pleads for me."

Have I ever thought of God that way before? Of Jesus? Who ever lived for me? He LIVES for ME? Everything I know about God is what He has done for us, for me. Everything. Like His whole reason for existence is us. I can get a very limited sense of this when I think about my sons and grandsons. Even as a child, I made decisions and choices for my future children. I chose my husband based on those decisions. (Besides the fact that I just plain fell in love with him, but I thank God that I fell in love with the one who fit my choices.) 
I can't honestly claim that I live for my children, but I have a sense of that kind of love. My life would not be the same without them. They are our greatest accomplishment. They fill our lives with purpose and joy. We cry for them when they hurt. We rejoice for them when they succeed and when they are happy. I would like to think that I would give my life for them if they were in danger.
If I can feel that limited depth of love, why is it hard to believe that God feels that for His children?
The Great High Priest Whose Name is LOVE.

And then this verse pretty much sums it up:
"Because the sinless Savior died, 
My sinful soul is counted free; 
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me"

He did this for ME. The Great and Just I AM is satisfied to look at his Sacrificial Lamb, His only Son, on the Cross and accept His sacrifice and pardon me. And Pardon ME. He looks at Jesus' sacrifice instead of my sinful, unworthy self. He's satisfied with that. Because He created it - this plan for my salvation, and it was GOOD.

Lyrics:

BEFORE THE THRONE OF GOD
Before the throne of God above I have a strong and perfect plea: A great High Priest, whose name is Love, 
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,  My name is written on His heart;  I know that while in heaven He stands No tongue can bid me thence depart No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,  And tells me of the guilt within,  Upward I look, and see Him there Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,  My sinful soul is counted free;  For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,  Risen Son of God! 

Behold Him there, the Risen Lamb My perfect, spotless righteousness,  The great unchangeable I am,  The King of glory and of grace! 

One with Himself I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood My life is hid with Christ on high,  With Christ, my Savior and my God With Christ, my Savior and my God

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/shane_and_shane/before_the_throne_of_god_above.html

"Places Where Grace Is"

"Places where grace is" is a line in the song "Unredeemed" by Selah. This song is one of my most favorite songs in the world, and it speaks volumes to my heart. So many times in the past couple of months my devotions have reminded me to look for those "places where grace is." I even started a section in my journal where I can write about those places. I want to remember them later, and I want to be able to pull this journal out and remind myself when it's hard to remember.

My devotion in Jesus Calling (May 7, page 134) once again reminded me that those places are there, that God can use anything to work good for us if we love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). Sarah Young used the verse from the account of Joseph's life in Genesis 50:20 "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." She said, "This is how you foil the works of evil, growing in grace through the very adversity that was meant to harm you." (Reminds me of all the times I've told kids if they ignore somebody who picks on them, they'll quit because they can't get a rise out of them.) And "Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter." 

Sometimes that's hard to see. Sometimes it's hard to believe. Sometimes, we don't even want to see it; we want to be angry and hurt. I've been there. I've wanted to yell at God. I've felt like I needed to tell Him what was going on down here, because He didn't seem to know. I've questioned. I've panicked. I've been anxious and unbelieving and non-trusting. I've wondered if I wanted to trust God. I've wondered if I even wanted to like Him. And, if you're honest, most of you will admit you've felt or done most of these things, too, even if only for a fleeting second before you brought your thoughts back to Him and His love and His truth. 

Those are hard times, the adversity Sarah Young was talking about. But what about those times when you know He's working, you know He's got a purpose for what's going on, but none of it looks the way you think it should look. When all you have are unanswered questions. And fear. You feel like you are hanging out over the edge and all you can do is just hang on and trust because you know there's a purpose and an answer, but, for the life of you, you can't figure it out. You can't see any way for it to end the way you think it was supposed to. All you can do is just hang there and wait. I think sometimes these places are even harder than the out-and-out trials and tribulations that have real enemies you can see. These times are sometimes scarier. It's easy to get angry and place blame during the trials and tribulations, but, when you are just hanging there waiting and you have no idea what the future holds....it can be pretty terrifying. 

So, I NEED those reminders of "places where grace is" to help me hang on and wait. To help me believe that it may not look the way I think it should, it may be falling apart, it may not be restored, but "it will not be unredeemed."

This morning, I thought about a time in my life when nothing looked the way it should, when I had nothing but questions, fear, and, at times, anger and hopelessness. When I went through a four-year depression that left me unable to work, unable to leave my house at times, unable to function normally, believe me, I questioned. I was angry. I was terrified. I felt deep, unbearable hopelessness and sadness. It took me four years to work my way back out of it, and, for awhile, I was angry that it took four years of my life away from me. It took me away from my family. It took me out of a career I loved and enjoyed. It left me bereft of any confidence or self-esteem. I could no longer trust my judgement. I felt that everything I'd ever accomplished was negated because I fell apart. I hated that I was so weak that I couldn't handle everyday life.
And then, one day, something happened, and I responded with a strength I didn't have before that depression, and a little bud of hope began to bloom. I began to see something positive in it.
So, this morning, I chose that time of my life to write all the ways God used it for good. In my journal, I wrote about all the places where I saw His grace. And, by the time I finished, my heart felt so full. I felt so free and secure and LOVED.
These are some of the ways God showed me grace and used that terrible time for good:

• It made me question everything I'd ever been taught to believe and search for the answers - the Truth - for myself, which, of course, led me to God. My beliefs are mine now. I don't claim to have all the answers. I know I don't. In fact, one of my strongest beliefs is that there's a whole lot of life that we will never understand or have answers to this side of Heaven. And, while I hope I will never stop seeking the Truth, I'm ok with not knowing everything. That, to me, is a clear sign that my trust has matured.
• I learned to value rest. I learned how to rest in God, how to sit in my Father's lap and let him take care of my worries because they are too much for me to carry. I came to understand the meaning of Matthew 11:29-30: "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." He'll trade me His easy yoke and light burden for all that heavy stuff I tried to carry around by myself all those years. That encourages me. It actually blows my mind. That verse sustains me now. I didn't understand that before.
• I learned that resting in and waiting on Him is more important than running around trying to do everything for Him by myself. I'd had the hardest time waiting on Him for most of my life. I wanted to get my assignment and then run off and prove how strong I was by doing it on my own. And, while I was at it, I'd do anything else that looked like it needed to be done, too, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. He put me in a place where I had no strength, so I had to depend on Him. I had to wait on Him, because I couldn't fix this on my own. I learned the meaning of Ephesians 6:13 "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." I learned that a whole lot of life is about standing still and waiting on Him. Didn't say I've mastered that yet, but I understand it's importance now and am SO much better at it than I ever was.
• I learned sometimes you have to let go of things, relationships, and even people who aren't good for you. During that depression, I was in survival mode. When you are in survival mode, you can't afford to hang on to people who make you feel worse. You have to protect yourself. I realized there were some people who dragged me down rather than helped me up. I realized I'd let some people control me because I'd never wanted to hurt anybody's feelings. I was a peacemaker, and, while that can be a very positive thing, it can be a weakness, too. I would go along sometimes just to keep the peace. I couldn't do that when I was just trying to survive, and I had to change or let go of some relationships. I never had to just cut anybody off, but I let go of the rules I'd played by in those relationships. I had to refuse to go along at times, and I had to limit my time with or distance myself from some people, and I learned that was not only ok, it is sometimes a very good thing. I've learned the value of surrounding myself with positive people who inspire me to be a better person but who also love me just the way I am. I have a friend who sees people the way Jesus intended us to be rather than the way we really are. That makes me want to be that person. That's the kind of people I want to spend my time with.
• It brought me birds, especially my beloved bluebirds, and photography, and poetry, and collages, and painting and drawing, and creativity. Those deep, sometimes overwhelming, emotions needed an outlet, and I discovered creative ways to deal with them and let them out. I had never been a bird watcher, but one summer I saw bluebirds going into a box in a neighbor's yard. I thought they were beautiful. I researched them, and my husband built a nest box for me. I have had bluebird nests in my backyard every summer since then. When I was at my lowest and most hopeless, I watched those birds through the window day after day. I know when to start looking for them each year now, and one day, when I glanced out in the yard to see if they happened to be out there and saw them sitting on the wire above my yard, my breath caught in my throat. I realized that morning that bluebirds represent hope to me now. I found that photography was very therapeutic. I think part of it was because I was focusing on one moment in time rather than worrying and being anxious about things. I think the other part was because I was focusing on the beauty of God's creation. I took pictures of sunsets and sunrises and the river and the ocean and flowers and, of course, birds. I also took a lot of pictures of children. I loved capturing their openness and innocence in a picture.  Just a couple of years ago, I came across a sketch journal that I'd forgotten I had. I opened it to find these pictures drawn during that time of depression.  The first one was an attempt to portray the fear and sadness I felt and the darkness that had settled over me and weighed me down. The second one was the turmoil and raging storm going on inside me. I had completely forgotten about these pictures. When I saw them, they took my breath away. I could feel the emotions I had been trying to express. The third one really surprised me. I had used a picture I saw on the internet as a model. I didn't know I could do that. 

                 
          So I wondered if I could still do it. That summer my grandsons came to visit, and I took a picture of them at the river. I decided to try to draw that picture. Those pictures of raw emotions led to this picture. Would I have ever discovered this wonderfully therapeutic                   hobby and talent if I hadn't felt those deep overwhelming emotions?   

• And last but definitely not least, I learned to pray God's Word. Beth Moore's book Get Out of that Pit exposed me to it and taught me the value of it, and then I got her book Praying God's Word Day by Day. It is amazing how powerful and beautiful using God's own words in prayer can be. If you have not tried praying this way, I highly recommend the second book. There are many books/devotionals on the market that use God's Word in prayer, and it doesn't matter which one you have. I just happen to like Beth Moore's books. The thing is, you don't even have to have anything other than the Bible. Just go to the Psalms and find one that expresses what you are feeling and cry it out to God. 

In my journal the other morning, I wrote, "Thank You, Lord, for using that time to grow me. That was definitely a place where grace is. It did not go unredeemed." 

You can't imagine the comfort I feel in knowing those four years of my life were not wasted. Or maybe you can.

Home at Last 5:15am, June 20, 2011

For the first 6 years of my first grandson's life, he lived many miles away from me. He was born in Vermont and moved to Arizona when he was about 8 months old. I loved that baby with a love that surprised even me. What they had all told me for so long was true: there's nothing in the world like grandchildren or being a grandparent. 

I visited Arizona as much as possible, but my heart longed for the day that my son and his family would move closer to home. Chase once told me, "I want to have a house right next door to you, either on that side or on that side or behind you. Then, when I want to see you, I can just walk next door and knock on the door, and, if I see you or Grampa or Granny Ruth or Uncle Ryan, then I can just come on it, but if I don't see any of you, I can just walk back home and wait till you get home." Oh, that sounded wonderful.
Aiden, my second grandson was born February 11, 2009 in Arizona. It was time to come home. Enough was enough. Cody and Kourtney wanted to move home, but they were victims of the real estate crash like so many others. I had an army of friends praying for God to open the right doors for them to come home. We prayed for about 2 years, and then, all of a sudden, in February 2011, Cody called me and said they would be home by the end of the year. We put our prayers into overdrive, and, on June 20, 2011, at 5:15am, Cody stood at my door carrying two sleeping little boys. I took one from him, and we put them to bed in the room I had decorated just for them. And then, of course, Gramma Debbie had to document the momentous occasion with pictures of the boys asleep in their bed in their room in my house - at last. 

June 20, 2011 - My dream come true!! Chase would be 6 in September, and Aiden had just turned 2 in February. From now on, I'd get to celebrate every birthday and every milestone with them.

They stayed with us for a week until they could move into their house about seven miles away.

First morning at Gramma Debbie's

Loves to read!!

Such a little imp!!

Watching TV - He loved "Old Yeller" and watched it
over and over that summer.

And, yes, I love those sleeping pictures!

Through a welcome but unexpected turn of events, they moved three miles away from me across the street from my mother-in-law in December 2012. We're not quite next door to each other, but we keep getting closer, and I'll take 3 miles as opposed to 2,000 any day!

I get to see the boys several times a week most weeks, and they usually spend the night with us at least once a week. It is the absolute most wonderful thing in the world to live near your grandchildren, and I feel sorry for all those grandmothers who don't get to have what I have with my grandsons.
We take trips together, go to the beach, watch movies together, read bedtime stories together, do crafts and art activities together, and, of course, we do educational activities together. They think I have the coolest things at my house because I have so many educational materials here that I use in my tutoring and homeschooling. Chase told me once that my house is a kid's paradise. I'll take that. (I could actually eat that child up when he says things like that.)

These two will play with linking cubes for hours! They have the best imagination of any children I've ever met. Chase once used about 3 linking cubes to demonstrate a game he created in which each cube was a different game character. He talked for over thirty minutes explaining in intricate detail the rules and strategies of the game and the roles of the game characters/linking cubes. I am sometimes amazed at that little boy's mind. 

I took pictures of everything that summer... or rather that year. Truth be told, I still take pictures of everything. I want to document everything about our lives together. 

Summer 2011

Surprise Welcome Home Party for Cody, Kourtney, and the Boys at Bahia Bleu Marina in Thunderbolt, on the Wilmington River June 25, 2011

Christopher and Jessica invited them out for a late afternoon
ride and brought them to the marina. We actually pulled off
the surprise!

Christopher and Jessica helped make it possible. Christopher
was able to get the marina for us and bring Cody, Kourtney,
and the boys by boat.

Uncle Ryan was in charge of grilling.

We couldn't have pulled it off without Ryan and Heather.
I was so thankful for Heather's help! Several family members
helped by preparing food, but Heather prepared most of it on
her own. She handled getting all of the food out and served.
She was a tremendous help!! Oh, you were, too, Ryan!

Mama will get mad at me for putting this picture on here
because she's making a face. Then don't make a face every time
we point a camera at you!!!

I love having these sweet boys living so close!! (I kinda like
having Cody and Kourtney nearby, too....)

Fourth of July 2011

We spent the afternoon and evening with Heather's family at Tybee. It was a beautiful day, and we enjoyed spending time with them so much!

Aiden wasn't quite sure about this sparkler thing.

A much cuter version of Bob the Builder

Running in the surf at the beach is a
favorite for these Arizona boys.

Something was pretty funny!!

Mr. Personality

Uncle Ryan gets in on the action.

We enjoyed the sunset on the beach with Heather's family.

August 2011
We spent a week at my friend Jody's beach house in Cape San Blas, near Port St. Joe on the Florida Gulf Coast. We had such a great time. I just couldn't get enough of these boys! I love my Chase and Aiden!!

First Day on the beach

These were taken at Port St. Joe State Park. It is a
gorgeous beach.

One of my beautiful daughters-in-law!

I love all of these pictures of Chase
looking out at the ocean.

One of my favorite pictures of all times

Aiden slept the whole time we were on the beach.

That's a sweet baby!!

Gramma Debbie and her Chasie

LOVE THAT BOY!!! HE LIGHTS UP MY LIFE!

It was such a gorgeous night!

Listening for the sizzle as it lowers into the horizon

And the moon was coming up right behind us.

Aiden woke up just in time to walk down
the steps by himself.

The other side of the peninsula looking
across the river toward Port St. Joe.

And then this beautiful surprise on the way home

Sea Turtle nest on the beach

Riding off into the sunset. Lindy and I spent a week here
last spring (May 2013) and rode horses right here early one
morning.

Aiden loves the outdoors, loves the water, loves the beach,
loves running. He was in Heaven.

I loved this picture so much that I have started drawing it.

 It's not quite finished, but I kind of like it the way it is.

And I'm supposed to sleep WHERE?

Picnic on the way home

July 2011 A Day on Butterbean Beach on the Skidaway River

Just could not keep those pants up!

running...

running....

running...

running...

running....

Wait. What's that?

exploring...

hopping...

cheesing....

Ok, Gramma Debbie....

cheesing...

Another one??

Two sweet boys

mud!!

And this one at the end of the day. One of my favorites...

So I drew it!! This was my first. I didn't even know I knew how!! I drew the one above of Aiden on the Gulf Coast after this one. I think it's the subject matter that makes it work. It's easier to draw what's in my heart than what's in my head.

Thus began the most wonderful phase of my life yet - me in the role of full time Gramma Debbie with Chase and Aiden starring in the leading roles as the loves of my life.